Allies
New PFLAG Chapter in South/Central Rhode Island
Allies, by Karen Izzo, Spring 2006
They were high school sweethearts who married in the Catholic Church and raised two children, a son and a daughter. Their son Greg was a popular high school student who committed himself to excellence both in his academic and community service pursuits. Greg claimed his first girlfriend at the seventh grade dance and was thereafter rarely without a female companion. They assumed it was the same his freshman year at NYU, where Greg was rising to the top of his class and life seemed unchanged. And then Ed and Ann Bonetti’s world shifted dramatically. Greg came home the summer of his freshman year and told them he is gay.
Twenty minutes south of the Bonettis, my husband and I were also raising our family. We had eloped after dating for eight weeks and later had our marriage blessed in the Catholic Church, eventually expanding our family to include two sons and a daughter. Our oldest son Jack, then a senior at North Kingstown High School, was a dedicated wild animal rehabilitator and award-winning writer. He had little tolerance for typical high school pursuits, but his stereotypically teen male room was plastered with posters of bikini-clad women and the obligatory Sport Illustrated Swimsuit calendar. And then our world shifted dramatically. This past November, in his senior year of high school, our son Jack told us he is gay.
Our families met last summer when our sons were dating. College in different states led to their break up, but we’re still together, bonded by a deep understanding of what it means to be the parents of a child who is gay. As Ed Bonetti often says, “our sons didn’t make a choice to be gay. They did, however, make courageous choices to live open, happy, and productive lives.” As their parents, we are committed to making this state a welcoming and affirming place where they can accomplish their goals in an atmosphere of equality and respect.
Fortunately, Rhode Island is one of the most progressive states in the country when it comes to laws protecting LGBT individuals from discrimination. But we have a very long way to go. In our schools, LGBT youth are marginalized at best and harassed and abused at worst. Hate crimes in Rhode Island occur with alarming frequency, are not uniformly reported, and when they are reported, police officers and medical personnel often lack training necessary to deal appropriately with victims. Marriage equality is not yet within grasp, and some legislators in our own government work to deny equal rights to GLBT citizens. There is still work to be done.
Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) is one way in which we can help accomplish those changes. PFLAG National, established over thirty years ago, is based in Washington D.C. Started in 1972 by the mother of a gay man, PFLAG has grown to over 200,000 members and 500 chapters throughout the United States. Seven years ago, Myra Shays established a Greater Providence chapter of PFLAG and has served as its president ever since, providing support and resources for the entire state.
In order to expand PFLAG’s impact in the state and serve interested Rhode Islanders south of Cranston, another PFLAG chapter has been founded: PFLAG of South/Central Rhode Island. Vice president Ann Bonetti urges parents of gay children to join us, commenting, “we understand the journey of understanding and acceptance that will be filled with tears, laughter, anger, and frustration.” Ed Bonetti points out that PFLAG’s presence is essential because, “although the world is much more accepting than it was fifty years ago, we realize there is still much to be done to secure equal rights for GLBT people and work to bring an end to discrimination.” In short, PFLAG of South/Central Rhode Island will focus on helping its members create acceptance and equality in whatever way they choose—either within their own families or in a more systemic way within their communities.
PFLAG of South Central Rhode Island held its first meeting on Wednesday, March 1. Its next meeting is Wednesday, April 5, in a private room of the Warwick Public Library from 7-9 pm. All are welcome to attend. For more information, contact co-presidents Ed Bonetti (epbonetti@cox.net;
