It's Not About the Religious Right
It’s About the Right Religion
It's Not about the Religios Right by Karen Izzo; first published in Options Vol. XXV No. 8, October 2006
Prejudice is one of those clever evils. In a perverse version of “pay it forward,” prejudice infects its victims and they, in turn, begin prejudging others. GLBTI individuals, and the families who love them, are at particular risk of negatively stereotyping others, for the simple fact that they are such frequent victims of bigotry themselves. After all, survival requires knowing who might cause us or our families harm, and the reality is that people who belong to certain groups are dangerously anti-gay.
But is that a fair statement? Take religion, for example. Our South/Central Rhode Island PFLAG chapter has members deeply scarred by the rejection and hostility they experienced in their childhood faith groups. My good friends Ed and Ann Bonetti, with whom PFLAG South/Central was founded, likewise struggle with their faith. They, their son Greg, who is gay, and their daughter Lauren, were recently featured in a documentary exploring the spiritual questioning of LGBT individuals and their families. My own family stopped attending Catholic mass immediately after learning our oldest son is gay. I can’t drive by a Catholic Church without experiencing knee-jerk resentment at the millions they spend to spread anti-gay rhetoric. And the bitterness I feel toward Catholicism sometimes spreads to Christianity and religion in general. It’s a feeling that I’ve heard other families express often. But at PFLAG, we’ve learned a great deal from our other members. Some have reconciled Catholicism with their own or their family member’s orientation. Others find peace in those many religions that have moved beyond categorizing people according to whom they love. But that does not mean the journey has been easy.
It is difficult to fight our prejudices against religions that hurt us or our families, and it is even more difficult not to resent those self-satisfied “Christians” who smugly murmur that they “love the sinner, hate the sin.” What they fail to see, of course, is that there is no “sin” or “sinner.” Being gay is not an action; it’s not about sex--it is a vital part of an individual’s humanity.
Yet, for reasons most of us can’t fathom, religious fundamentalists distort the Bible and other texts in order to oppress gays, just as history shows they subjugated countless past minority groups. They view gays as “abominations” and condemn them with stereotyped tales of promiscuity and sordid living, while simultaneously denying them any semblance of legal dignity. Never mind the back of the bus. Religious fundamentalists don’t even want our gay children and friends ON the bus. In the midst of their machinations, under the guise of “protecting children,” they are the reason gay teens self-medicate and attempt suicide at heart-breaking rates. They are the root cause of every hate-induced violent crime against gays. They are the destructors of family.
Did I mention that prejudice is a clever evil? If we allow ourselves to wallow in the negative of religion, as I just did, we destroy our ability to accept the good. And there is good in spirituality and faith. A great deal of it. Polls in New Jersey and Massachusetts show that the majority of Catholics disagree with their church’s stance on gay marriage. Moreover, many religions have long been LGBT inclusive, and others are seeing the light on a daily basis. (Indeed, The Advocate recently reported that conservative Jewish leaders, after consulting with biblical scholars, will likely remove the ban on gay rabbis). In our own state, nearly ninety religious leaders support gay marriage, and we have numerous welcoming churches, including Episcopalian, American Baptist, Unitarian, United Church of Christ, and Lutheran.
Because our PFLAG chapter is often asked where to find spiritual support, Essjay Foulkrod, one of our honorary members, suggested that we do some legwork, discover which churches are truly welcoming, and compile a comprehensive list with contact information. Her idea is excellent, and we are running with it. Part of our October meeting (the first Wednesday of the month) will include a sneak-peak of the documentary featuring the Bonetti family, and preliminary informational packets for anyone curious about faith groups in Rhode Island.
Prejudice is a clever evil. But we are cleverer still when we reject the absolutism that is the hallmark of bigotry. American poet Edwin Markham perhaps said it best: “He drew a circle that shut me out--/Heretic, rebel, a think to flout./But Love and I had the wit to win:/We drew a circle that took him in.”
