The Man in the Mirror - A Fathers Day Reflection
by Ed Bonetti
“We really need to talk about this.” These words, offered to me as a cautionary note by a friend assisting me in a long and frustrating job search, are seared into my memory. Just days before, my wife, daughter, and I had testified at the State House Hearing in support of the gay marriage bill, and Charles Bakst had mentioned us in his Sunday morning column, which my friend “Paul” had read. “Rhode Island is a very Catholic state,” Paul counseled, and “people will be uncomfortable with your willingness to be open and public on these issues”. I told him that while I appreciated his advice, my personal integrity required me not to hide my belief in equality for Rhode Island’s LGBT community. I was not going to be SILENT and closet the support and advocacy that I felt so strongly about. It was clear that Paul approved neither my position nor my rejection of his advice. After all, he is a respected member of the community and is in touch with the state’s business climate. He told me that he respected my beliefs, but reiterated that others may not. He also told me he would keep in touch and offer his continued support. Funny, though. We haven’t spoken since, and the network of his referrals has grown dry. In fact, a lot of phone calls and emails to others in varying positions of influence who were previously aiding in my job search have also gone unanswered. The silence is deafening.
I’m 46 years old, happily married to my best friend for 23 years, and have two children of whom I am extremely proud. Why would a straight married man with a wife and two children suddenly become a staunch activist and supporter for GLBT rights? The answer is simple and pure. My oldest child Greg is gay. The love that a father has for his son and a father’s wish to see his son treated fairly doesn’t change because his son is gay. It’s quite the opposite. As we educated ourselves to the issues surrounding his homosexuality, my wife and I traveled a journey filled with a myriad of emotions. It was apparent that if we wanted the world to change its view toward homosexuality, we needed to be active participants.
After my conversation with Paul ended, I reflected on his unsolicited advice and my response. I remembered the guidance that I have given my son and daughter so many times before: Be true to yourself, never comprise your values and principles, be committed to your beliefs, and be passionate about what inspires you. By living your life in this way, you will always be able to look at yourself in the mirror and be proud of whom you see. Therefore, I tightened my tie and straightened my sport coat as I looked in the mirror. I had a date at the State House. You see, I had the privilege to host a press conference that afternoon asking Speaker Murphy to take action on the gay marriage bill. The evening news was going to be there, as well as the local newspapers, and I wanted to look my best as I did what I knew was right not only for my son, but for the entire LGBT community. By the way…I liked the person I saw in the mirror. I’m wondering if my friend can say the same.
